"You remind me of my favorite porn star"

Either everyone was drinking last night, or random people just decided to April Foolz me. I really think it was a bit of both. I happened to be up particularly late last night, awaiting the arrival of some friends who will be staying the weekend for my birthday, and all of a sudden, I get a strange Facebook chat message.

Facebook chat is pretty shitty in general. It's really glitchy, and it's easy to message the wrong person. I never reconcile Facebook friends, so many of my friends are people I've met once or hardly even know; I know most of them, but there are always a few stragglers. One, in particular, was this guy I became FB friends with in college. I happen to remember my roommate encouraging me to add him because he was a child star in one of her favorite kids movies. Pretty weird, I know.

So, this guy sends me a message saying "hi." I responded, but assumed a. he meant to message someone else, or b. he was going to ask me for a donation or something. Anyway, the conversation continues, mostly out of boredom. He asks if we can switch to AIM, and at that point I mentioned it to my roommate (the same one who was there when I added him in the first place), and she tells me to talk to him.

Then, it gets weird. He starts asking me inappropriate questions. This is probably where the conversation should have ended, but it didn't. As incentive for me to answer, he tells me that I remind him of his favorite porn star. WTF. Do I really look like a PORN STAR?!?!?? Nope. I tell him that I'm pretty sure that's not a compliment. The conversation ends pretty quickly after that.

My stepbro was also being weird on Facebook chat. Nothing inapprops at all, but just very chatty. Why was I the only one who didn't drink a fifth of whiskey?! Anyway, here are my takeaways from this:

1. I thought cybersex ended like 15 years ago
2. Drinking on Thursday is the way to go, post college as well
3. This could have been my chance to have a sexting friend, but I think I'd need to know the person more than having watched their movie as a kid

That's my story of the week. My birthday party rager is coming up this weekend. It's a scavenger hunt pub crawl and should be good times. Maybe I'll make some memories to share.

XO

Sexting & The Zero Shame Zone (ZSZ)

Ugh so I have to say, I did not complete my sexting mission during this last hookup. I'm not a very naturally affectionate person, so initiating a sext convo is WAY out of my comfort zone; especially without repeat occurrences to sext about.

To be honest, I've definitely had thoughts about taking a bangbang trip to Conrad's quarters at some point in the next month, but I'm having a hard time bringing myself down to the Zero Shame Zone, also known as ZSZ. The ZSZ is a very important zone for girls to understand, and really, embrace. I say girls should know it only because guys already have it down. Girls- How many times have you told a guy flat out at the bar that he was a dick? I did that a few months ago - and yes, I did hit the ZSZ that evening - but more importantly, that guy must have done something pretty 'tard to receive that kind of response from me. Had I not blacked out on that Sunday afternoon to evening transition, I may have been able to pinpoint exactly what actions take you to this so-called zone, but it'll just have to remain unidentified until further notice.

Anyway, you really need to be in the ZSZ for sexting. In theory, it's pretty ridiculous. As cool as it would be to get a text at 9:34am saying "I'm not wearing boxers OR briefs," I can't imagine a positive reaction from every girl in lieu of this type of text.

My new mission is to get to this ZSZ on weekends. After watching short clips of Gary Busey on Celebrity Apprentice, a show I totally need to watch because I am a HUUUGE Busey fan, I think he's a great example of living in the ZSZalltheTIME.

Charlie Sheen is another great example. If any of you watched his 20/20 special tonight, you KNOW what I'm talking about. TIGERBLOOD.

Moving on - sexting mission remains incomplete.

Son Diaaago Round Deux

After reading through some of these older entries, I think it's time for an update. Over the weekend I visited Sonnnn Diaaaaaago again (AKA the Whale's Vag.), accompanying my roommate on her annual bangbang trip. Yes, bangbang, you heard correctly.

I can't remember if I've already explained the bangbang trip scenario and I'm too lazy to go back and read what I've written, so here goes. The bangbang trip is a trip of a specified distance, taken purely for a hook-up. I've now accompanied my roommate on two of these trips. It used to be a hardcore source of making fun of her, but the tides have changed a bit this weekend.

Long story short, (even though this probably won't be short), I'm slowly but surely accomplishing what this blog strives for - being slutty. So, on the drive down to Son Diago, I decided to call the guy from this post, we'll call him Conrad; yes, the one I talk about as my "crush for the night." Anyway, he tells me he has to work, but ends up driving down later in the day. Just to catch you up, Conrad is best friends with my roommates bangbang, and we've slept in the same bed together twice so far, both times nothing really happened.

So, here's what happened over the weekend. I had been trying to meet up with him a few times, as he lives RIGHT near my mom in OC. Of course I would rather hang with him than a full 48-hour weekend with my psycho!-therapist mom. Unfortunately, this never ended up happening, mostly because you can't plan meetups on Facebook, you need phone numbers. Anyway, this created quite a bit of buildup, which is something, as an Aries, I can't resist. So, when he arrived in SD, I was pretty much ready to roll. And when I say roll, I mean literally roll on the ground because I was WAY TOO DRUNK. Don't get me wrong, I remember (almost) everything, and I didn't do anything I didn't want to, but I kind of wish I could remember a bit more.

We started at this crazy pub crawl, and eventually ended up at my favorite bar in the area. I remember just over zero of our conversation, meaning I'm sure I was like BLAHBLAHblahwhocareswhatI'mtalkingabout. Fast-forward to our friends house, the one we're staying at. So basically my roommate went to the bangbang room with her dude, leaving me and Conrad...and our friend - not an ideal living room situation. Our friend falls asleep super fast, and literally would sleep through WWII. Adding to that, he's hardcore snoring. This would be annoying under normal circumstances, but instead, it was a nice way to assure that he was sleeping. We were on this foldout couch mattress situation with a sleeping bag and blankets, probably a pretty gross scene. I'm not going to go into detail, but music was on and things were happening. All of a sudden I realized that one roommate was not home yet, and that he would probably get home at an inopportune time. I said this to Conrad, and he literally opened the door 30 seconds later. I'm sure shit was pretty obvious, but we did not move until he was in his room, door closed. STRUGGLES. Long story short, we had a living room smush situation (sorry, I've been watching WAYYY too much Jersey Shore!).

So all in all, I am slowly but surely making this blog a reality. My definition of "slutty" is expanding, as well as my lifestyle.

XO, thanks for reading!

Sexting

It's no secret that I think the idea of sexting is pretty cool. I've been joking about it forever, which is code for "I wish I was sexting." Of course I don't currently have a sexting friend, but the topic has become a constant source of conversational entertainment for my friends throughout the last month.

I think the fact that I don't have a sexting friend is reflective of a bigger issue; I don't have a local hookup. I'm really great at meaningless encounters with friend's of friends, but I suck at meeting people myself. There are several problems with friends of friends, all of which I am aware of, yet I make decisions accordingly.

1. You will probably see them again. This highlights all elements of weirdness that happened during the hookup. Maybe you don't remember a series of events or something didn't happen quite the way you had imagined; either way, there's a big fat, partially to fully nude elephant in the room. Let's be real: Unless you're this uber-cool superhuman who doesn't get weirded-out by anything, it will probably be weird EVEN if all went well. TRUST.

2. You will probably drink with them again. It's not like your hardcore-party-all-the-time-both-weekend-days lifestyle is going to come to an end anytime soon. Then what? Don't expect anything to repeat besides the circumstances in which you met the first time. And don't act all crazy when they meet someone else. You're not dating, duh.

3. Your friends will think you're slutty. Let's not get confused here; it's cool to be slutty, but not cool to be known for being promiscuous among your friends - BIG DIFFERENCE.

Anyway, back to sexting. My next hookup will definitely be for the purpose of sexting at a later date. Even if I think it's an awkward topic to bring up at an opportune moment, it'll probably happen because it's a subconscious goal. It's also awkward to ask people if they're "clean," but you just have to go there.

I'll keep you posted on progress here, but don't hold your breath.