Plan B

So Plan B typically refers to the morning after pill. I'm going to devise a Plan A.

I think getting on birth control is the first step to being slutty. Granted, you could be slutty without being on bc, but that would have to end when you got preggers or died of AIDs. I want to be inspired. If pregnancy (my biggest fear) can be mostly prevented, I think this will help me relax and drink more, you know.

I watched some common signs of sluttiness this weekend and here are some common ideas:

1. Making out on the dancefloor: Not only do you have to be pretty intoxicated to do this, but you'd pretty much have to have no shame, since everyone can and will watch. This is all in public, so just imagine what happens next.

2. You're hanging out with some guy. You realize that he is seeing someone because he CALLS her and she shows up while you guys were hanging out. This may seem like an easily resolved situation, but it can get pretty trashy. Instead of leaving, you choose to compete with the girlfriend...guess who wins. I watched this happen a few weeks ago.

3. You flash someone for a shot. Okay, so maybe this wasn't necessarily on purpose, but that's even better.

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Unsolicited Tips For Happy Living

Secretly, and lately, not so secretly, I've been wishing I was slutty. It would be great to just go to a bar and be totally fine with going home with someone new every weekend. Scratch that, what about every night? I don't know if I am condoning this behavior, just saying it could be fun.

Here are some tips I've gathered from others on how to be slutty:

1. Be the last girl at the bar. Your looks & personality matter less and less the more you (or your potential hook-up) drink. Also, once the lights go on true personalities tend to shine, meaning people quickly realize their search for "companionship" is about to end.

2. Drink heavily. I think this pretty much goes without saying. If you have particularly high or misplaced standards, there is a slight chance that they could disappear for a night, if you "get lucky".

3. Flirt with not only your potential love interest, but all of his friends. This way the guy will notice that he needs to act soon, or if he doesn't, then you may have multiple options. Do I hear threesome?

4. Don't talk to other girls. At the end of the day, where will it get you? As they say on all good reality show competitions, "I'm not here to make friends". Guess what, they're right. If you want to make friends, go to a kickboxing class or bowling alley instead of a bar, I'm sure you'll meet some winners.

5. Keep your eyes (and hands) on the prize. If you're constantly touching someone, appropriately or innapropriately, you're constantly reminding them that you'd hit it. Gotta keep 'em in check yo.

I hope you thoroughly enjoyed these tips for happy living. Be sure to keep us posted with your success stories.